Everyone remembers their first time. Mine took place in the middle of a wooded area during a time I was supposed to be spending with my brother and a family friend. I snuck out to lose my virginity, and later caught hell for it. It was the worst experience of my life.
People my age have had sex several times on several occasions with several people. I actually get a kick out of telling people my first time was my only time, and I was thirteen years old.
Upon getting in trouble for sneaking out to do such a thing, my dad realized that it was probably time to give that dreaded talk, filled with information I already knew. I had a knack for finding stuff out. You'd think he'd sit me down, tell me how both sides worked, what makes babies, and so on. It definitely started as that...
My stepmother was on a business trip at that time, and my brother was asleep. I don't remember where my stepsister was, but I know she played a very insignificant role, since I don't remember whether she was home or not. I found myself in my parent's bedroom, where the man I was supposed to trust with my life violated every part of my physical being.
To say that The Talk was hands on is the understatement of a century. What's worse is that it wasn't the only time. Stepmother would be in the house cleaning and my dad would take advantage of me in his shop. It got to the point where I wanted nothing to do with him, and he definitely noticed that. My stepmom would always ask me to talk to my dad more often because it offends him. Makes him feel sad or whatever.
A few years later, my dad found a job in Tennessee and I was uprooted from the people I had grown to care about. I had hoped that now that my stepmom didn't have to go on as many business trips, I'd feel safer.
Unfortunately she did. He usually spent the time she was away getting drunk and dragging me into his room. Violating my innocence, and reminding me that I could never speak a word of what happened, which taught me how to act in a passive-aggressive manner.
From the moment he stopped doing that to me, I vowed to never let it happen again. I pushed everyone wanting close to me away, and grew fond of people (usually homosexual males) that were unavailable just so I knew nothing could come from it.
So thanks Dad. You screwed up my life and I get to spend the rest of it gluing the pieces back. I may never forgive you for this, but I'll try. All I'll do is try. You suck.
-DCV-
No comments:
Post a Comment